MyLiveComments

Toilet Paper

 grater

Tech Savvy

code for duck phone

Happy birth day

 wax covered figurine

artist

 young artist

 when birds attack

Fart

 fart flamethrower

Fart

 fart flamethrower

 insanity

Holy crap!

One question: why use propane when there's an open flame behind you?

Now that's determination.

Maybe they should lower ticket prices.

And they say cats don't like water.

No one is going to mess with this little guy.

Stunt

This is the type of stunt you only fail at once.

Guide Dog

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog."
"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar where he asks for a drink.
The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my guide dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as guide dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What? They gave me a Chihuahua

Time to split

Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.
Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage.
Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: a Buccaneer!
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize.
Q: Why did the atoms cross the road?
A: It was time to split!
Q: What do you do when your chair breaks?
A: Call a Chairman.
Q: Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
A: Because it's too cold out tide!
Q: What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
A: a Toy-yoda.
Q: What is the biggest pencil in the world?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Why did the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
A: He saw the salad dressing!

Quick Fire

Q: What do monsters make with cars?
A: Traffic Jam
Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor?
A: Mumbo Jumbo
Q: Why did the pony cough?
A: He was a little hoarse!
Q: What do sheep do on sunny days?
A: Have a baa - baa - cue!
Q: How do you know when a dog has been naughty?
A: It leaves a little poodle on the carpet!
Q: Where do Aliens keep their sandwiches?
A: In a Launch box
Q: What do you call the pub on Mars?
A: A Mars Bar!
Q: Why did the spaceship land outside your bedroom?
A: I must have left the landing light on
Q: What do you call a vampire that lives in the kitchen?
A: Spatula!
Q: Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He had no body to go with!