first day with the hook

A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?”

“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate. “and a bloody shark bit off my whole darn leg!”

“Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”

“My crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut my darn arm!”

“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”

“A bloody seagull dropping fell into my? eye,” replied the pirate.

“Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.

Embarassed, the pirate answered “It was me first day with the hook?

Why Laugh?

Believe it or not, scientific studies prove that laughter is actually a therapy. Research shows that during intense laughter the human body releases endorphins, which is the bodies natural pain killer. Humor is also known to reduce stress and increase the bodies natural tolerance to pain! Groucho Marx once said “A clown is like an asprin, only he works twice as fast.” No kidding, and no pun intented! (err yea actually I was trying to be funny again…).

Did you know that an average adult only laughs 15 times per day? What a shame, considering the average child laughs up to 400 times per day! Maybe thats why so many adults are overweight? Laughing is a great cardiac exercise, laughing for just a few seconds gets your heart pounding, blood flowing, your belly and cheek muscles workin. It’s no suprise that theirs clear health benefits for belching out loud at something you find amusing. So, not only is this website here to make you laugh, we’re here to keep you healthy as well!

He farts, and the woman yells

It’s The Dog’s Fault, I Swear!

A young man has a great date planned with a hot chick, unfortunately he’s also got a bad case of gas. Upon arriving at the girl’s house to pick her up, he meets the parents and waits for her in the living room while she finishes getting ready.

At this point his stomach is turning and he’s doing the best he can to hold his gas. This is some serious stuff too, beer and beef burrito farts - the stuff dreams are made of. Luckily, just before he was about to explode Spot, the family dog, jumps on his lap as he sits on the couch. He figures it’s safe to let out alittle bit of the pressure and and if anyone notices they’ll think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.” The guy thinks to himself, “Thank God! They think the dog did it.” Seizing the opportunity, he lets out another fart and the woman, again, yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a few more farts when, finally, the woman yells loudly, “Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you!”

corner of the room

A woman in her early thirties could not figure out why she could not get a man. Her friends, not wanting to tell her the real deal, suggested that she see a sex specialist. They told her that this doctor is an alternative specialist of Asian background. She booked an appointment and knew he must be a great doctor because she had a five-month wait to get in. When she finally did, the nurse took her vitals and instructed her to sit up on the bed and wait for the doctor to come in. When he did, he asked what the problem is. The thirty-something woman told the doctor that she was having a problem attracting men. The doctor instructed her to get undressed and he would be back in a moment. When he came back, he asked her to get on her hands and knees and crawl away from him towards the opposite corner of the room. As she did this he took notes. When she reached the corner of the room, he instructed her to turn around and come back. Again, he took notes. He then asked her to sit back up on the table and cover up. He told her that he knows what her problem is. She has a disease called "EXACTLY’S". She said please explain. The Chinese doc said "Yo face look exactly’s like yo ass.

you with your mom.

You’re so ugly, you scare blind people away.
You’re so ugly, mirrors commit suicide.
You’re so ugly, your reflection looks away.
You’re so ugly, it;s your middle name.
You’re so ugly, they confuse you with your mom.

That is your system

The barn of a farmer had burnt down and he asked the insurance man for 50 000 USD.
The insurance man "We do not give money, we build you a similar barn instead. The same goes for example with your car, if its stolen we just give you a similar car, same make, year and milage as your own car - no money.
Farmer "If that is your system I want to cancel my wifes insurance!"